Nobody is entering my heart until I wear the veil of my wedding dress

Voila amigos!

(I never rechecked thia blog because I’m not in a mood to so sorry for all the errors)

Ki haal chaal aye? Hope you are great!!! Okay, i know, I am sorry….I’m sorry…I promised to update on the weekend and I’m super super late but you know….. I suck at promises when they are time bound. If i make an open promise I’ll surely fulfill it but time bound promises are something i can’t keep. People ask me why is it so hard to trust people? And i counter question them why is it so hard to keep promises? Anyways, what I’ve learned through my teeny tiny life is that promises are meant to be broken.

No, this was not something I thought until a year ago… It makes my heart sick when I remember those good words and broken promises. No I’m sorry๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚not broken promises, those were promises that-were-never-meant-to-be-kept. Promises are worse than lies, because you make other’s hope….hope for something you’re not sure your can give or something you know you won’t give. But still….I’ve no grudges on anyone for those never-meant-to-be -kept promises.

Literally, i was an asshole. I curse myself for trusting those fucking promises. Every time I trust someone they make me realize thousands of reasons why I should not trust anyone, any single person in my life. You know…..what I’ve learned through my past experiences is that trust can become really expensive like….really really expensive if it’s invested in the wrong person. And believe me bad things , very very bad things happen when we trust the wrong person.

Okay, so last time i told you guys that we started chatting on WhatsApp. Then finally, in a million years….i was granted my own phone. We continued talking there ,we had Small and light conversations. With the passage of time , i realized that if i don’t text first, he never texts me. Because i was fed up, i had chased him a very long way throughout those 7-8 months. So, one day i just stopped texting him without any complaint or anything. 1 day passed, 1 week passed, 1 month passed, we didn’t talk. But at that time although i tried not to pay attention to him but he was always there somewhere in the back of my mind. And then one day me being the clumsy awkward person I am, i texted him by mistake(or should I call it a mistake๐Ÿ˜‚?) No seriously it was a mistake; i was forwarding a text to someone and by mistake i sent it to him. Anyways, i deleted it instantly. But WhatsApp being a stubborn WhatsApp showed that some message had been deleted. He texted me at night about what I had texted. But, i told him it was a mistake i wasn’t going to text him. Yet he asked me how i was. And i asked him to go fuck himself ( no no i didn’t, just kidding, I’m not that mannerless). I told him I was fine because he had gone from my life and i didn’t want him back. But he said je wanted to come back and he apologized a lot for not texting and for not keeping up. And i had a big NO on my face. But he cried and insisted (he literally cried). And guess what? I let him back in my life๐Ÿ˜‚*round of applause*. Oh my God!! What a stupid asshole i am. So from now I’ll keep it short and simple.

Life went on….he hurt me many times in the period. And when i say “many times” this means that I’m even unable to count. There was a time where i became suicidal. He stopped me , like really stopped me with loyalty bit he never made a commitment. That was the day, he lost me…. That was the day, he came out of my heart. I never talked to him after that. But I was deeply hurt so I cursed him that may God ruin him( i never knew it would become true). The reason, the main reason I narrated my story was to tell people that please please don’t curse people even if they are your enemies. Please leave everything on karma. Karma is the best teacher. The night i cursed him that may God ruin him, the next night, his father died and HE WAS RUINED. (I wish those words never cane out of my mouth). And i feel awful for him, i never wanted him to become an orphan. It’s been quite a lot of time since we last talked. I don’t even remember his surname, now๐Ÿ˜….

This phase of my life taught me many things. Such as there is no such thing as “love before marriage”. The thing which we feel is not love, it’s am intense attraction towards the person of the opposite gender. He was the first and last person of my life. Before writing these blogs i was not sure whether i had moved on or not. ….but someone said that if your story doesn’t make you cry anymore, then you have moved on. And believe me I never cried, I didn’t even feel bad while narrating my story, so I have moved on….and so should you. After all this drama of my life , one thing is for sure; NOBODY IS ENTERING MY HEART BEFORE I WEAR THE VEIL OF MU WEDDING DRESS.

Girl……going offline xxx

I can literally un-love someone if they mess with my self-respect ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

Hey guys!

Bonjour!Quoi de neuf? I hope you all are having a fantastic time. So… first things first; thank you so much people for the huge response you people gave on my last post… So I would have updated yesterday but I didn’t get time. I wonder I’m so busy now when college is only online, what will happen when college actually reopens? AHH!! From college I am reminded of; how are the preparations for college going? Because my college is opening from 15 of September. Literally, 11 days to go…. All quarantine I have been waiting for college to reopen but since they are actually opening..and the time is coming near, I am literally dreading it(only the waking-up-in-the-morning schedule). Now this is something very clichรฉ. This happens with everything (and this is how we cover up for our faults ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰).

I don’t mean that I am dreading college, I dread waking up in the morning. Because another trait of mine which I want you guys to be familiar is; I am very very lazy. And I have been so so super lazy this past month. Omg!! I’m unable to express it in words. Even if I consume the whole Oxford English dictionary to express my laziness, I’d still be unable to because there are not enough words in the entire English language to explain my laziness. And specially when we are talking about this past month!?!?! It was lazy beyond the level of laziness. Actually, I am lazy to the extent that I don’t even skip YouTube ads. If I give a little glimpse of my indolence, I’d like to tell how I’ve been taking my classes. I usually join the class, listen to the lecture for half an hour, set the alarm for the next class and go back to sleep again. Then wake up at the next class and repeat the previous procedure. URA!!! That’s me!!!(because my sleep schedule is fucked).

Last night, I was reading another chapter of my English text book for an assignment. It was a short story about the inevitability of death. Like, there was this girl who could not accept her mother’s sudden death. After reading the chapter, I was going through the questions, which was something like; what was the climax of the story?. And it reminded me that I had to narrate the climax of our story. Now, before telling the climax of our story, I’ll tell the story behind the climax of our story ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Okay so it goes something like….

There was this friend of wiki , who got cheated on by a girl. So in order to avenge his friend (well that’s a hilarious joke that he can be loyal to someone ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚) he started flirting with her in order to cheat her just as she had cheated his friend. Well, he would have done that happily even if avenging his friend was not the case. So she thought he was serious and they were in a so-called relationship. One day he was on a date with his actual girlfriend (we’ll call her rel). Normally he went to the washroom with his cellphone lying on the table. And that girl who he was cheating on called him. And guess who picked it up? REL.

When he returned from the washroom his world had turned upside down. Because Rel was on fire… She said she didn’t want to be with him anymore. Although that was out of anger (because she couldn’t leave him because she couldn’t get someone with that much money ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’). He apologized, he told her the whole story behind it. But she being the normal “possessive girlfriend” didn’t believe him. After he had apologized to death, she put a condition in front of him; that she’ll only forgive him if he’d stop talking to each and every girl. He was in a great dilemma (according to him). On the other hand, I didn’t know what was going on in his life, so I randomly normally called him. He was like, something serious has happened….I asked him what had happened? He told me the whole story. I understood what he was trying to say. He was trying to tell me that he could not talk to me anymore. For a precise moment, I forgot how to breathe. I had never even imagined not talking to him. I asked him what he was trying to say ( because I wanted to hear it from him). He declared that we couldn’t talk on Instagram, anymore. But we could talk on call.

On the other hand, I’d never ever allow someone to treat me poorly just because I love them (wait did I just say that?) I had to maintain my self-respect at all costs. I told him, I could understand his problem but if we cannot talk on Instagram we are not going to talk anymore. He was like no this is not possible, we cannot stop talking. He said that he had already stopped talking to each and every girl but he could not stop talking to me. I asked him the reason, he said because he loved me๐Ÿ˜‚. And I also told him that I couldn’t compromise my self-respect for your love. And he was like why does your self-respect come in everything? And I replied that it’s clear you can keep your love, I’ll keep my self-respect. But he again denied my standpoint. And I was not in a mood of arguing so I agreed for the time being. Whereas in my heart I had decided how much ever I’m attached to him I am not going to talk to him anymore. Days passed we didn’t talk because I had unfollowed him on Instagram and removed him from my followers as well.

Then one day he texted me on WhatsApp. Now that TEXT negated my mindset which was that he’ll forget as soon as we stop talking. This is what I thought but it didn’t happen. Although we hadn’t talked for a while, he didn’t forget me, he texted me. But this time there were my problems. I couldn’t talk to him freely on WhatsApp because it wasn’t my number nor my cellphone (at that time). So we talked very less over there.

Isn’t my story too long? Like it’s so long I have to break it in episodes. Besides my writing time is so bad it’s literally 2 in the morning! And I’ve got class tomorrow! And if I don’t sleep right now my father is going to kill me! I’ve already described my father’s never ending issues with my sleep schedule. Anyways, the weekend is coming I’m surely going to update on the weekend with a longer episode this time. Btw what do you think will happen next…..? Do tell me your views๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„. And last but not the least don’t forget to follow me on my Instagram; girl_anonymousblog.

Girl…… going offline XXX.

Continue reading “I can literally un-love someone if they mess with my self-respect ๐Ÿ˜ˆ”

Love slapped me in the face so hard,I may feel that sting till my last day but this heart will never be numb……

Hey guys!!

I hope you guys are doing great. I am free nowadays (thanks to covid) that’s why I am updating very frequently. And thank you so so so so much…..for the massive response on my last update…. So I have finally build up the courage to narrate the next part of my story. (Courage building credits to; bee). Yesterday, I was just going through a random magazine and I read an article titled”LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE”. And there and then I thought life really is unpredictable. Like, really really unpredictable. When I was going through this phase of my life, I had decided that whatever the end will be…. I am never going to tell it to anyone, whether it be friends or family. But, look at me now; Here I am blurting my heart out to the world. But, believe me or not this has not been easy…

Here I’ll describe the shade of my life which I am unable to comprehend myself. The moment where I stopped last time was when I had this weird addiction to HIM. But I swear to god it was not one sided. He had the same response or shall I say he was more interested. It was like two bodies, same soul. So we used to chat normally on Instagram and one day he just disappeared………

No, the story doesn’t end there. So talking about his disappearance…he literally disappeared. No text, no call(although he never called,he used to text me asking to call…),no contact, no nothing. I got tensed. I thought (being the stupid person I am) maybe something’s wrong with him or he’s upset with me on something. I knew he wasn’t even coming online because not a second passed when he didn’t text if he came online. He used to text so often because, according to him, he had “fallen in love”. Anyways, a day passed, then two, then three….

Anyways,(now this is the fifth day of his disappearance without contact) I opened my Instagram and a picture had been posted of him and a girl, hand in hand, from his account. But I wasn’t surprised because I knew he had three sisters so I went like,”Awww….so cute!!!”until I read the caption, which was somewhat like,” The love of my life…you make me happy….” and stuff. I don’t even remember it now. I was super confused because this kind of caption could only be posted with a girl friend. I was extremely horrified, although,I had no ( I repeat;NO) intention of being in a relationship with him. Then he texted me as soon as he came online but I didn’t reply, more like I couldn’t reply because I was unable to digest the revelation I had just known.

I was infuriated on the fact that after five mysterious days of disappearance without contact, he returns by posting a picture with a girl. I usually keep my feelings to myself, I never give closures so I didn’t say anything but he used to understand me very well, so he detected that there was something wrong. He asked me. At first I refused to tell , I told him nothing was wrong, but he was as stubborn as me( more than me; to be more accurate) he insisted. And in a moment, I started blurting out everything and it was like a stream of hurt and deception and complaints coming out of my mouth but it wouldn’t stop. It was like a volcano had been erupted inside my head. But, he patiently listened to what I was saying (he was always like that; only listening to what I was saying) . After I had taken out all my frustration, he told me that his phone was broken that’s why he was unable to contact me for a few days. Along with this he said what he used to say at the end of every argument,” I know….I am sorry”. He had this habit ( a weird habit) that once he started saying sorry he didn’t used to stop until the other person would forgive him. So, I accepted his apology and was back to my the-happy-girl mood.

We talked for about a quality time, I asked him about who that girl was? And the reply which I got was beyond my expectations. He told me she was his girlfriend and they were in a relationship since 2 years…I was shocked..like that literal electric current shock. From outside, I pretended as if I was very excited after knowing this, I asked her name, he told me . I acted in front of him as if it didn’t matter to me. But inside I was gashing apart. I know I am repeating, this line again and again but I swear to god, I had no bad intentions on him. I just wanted to be friends….. With all that hurt and hidden anger swelled up inside me; I had a question ( millions of them) inside my head. Not telling me about his girlfriend was okay; that was something personal, but why did he propose me in the first place? Why did he tell me again and again that he had fallen in love with me? Why did he flirt with me when he already had a girlfriend? I asked him these questions in incognito words. And he didn’t even have a pinch of guilt. He openly (rather proudly) told me that he was only flirting with me, he was joking. He said that he was an expertise in trapping girls and I was just another experiment (thanks God I didn’t accept his proposal in the first place). That was the day, the brutality of the world showed me it’s first glimpse.

I was broken dead inside. I was being played with. But I don’t know what was fucking wrong with me? I was so DAMN attracted to him. I knew I was being played with and I allowed it(can you imagine?) Anyways, I still didn’t stop talking to him( I will never forgive myself for this). But now there was a difference. After that I didn’t believe anything he said but I still didn’t stop talking to him, I don’t know why I did that with myself? After this days passed normally and the next thing which happened was the climax of our story. Somethings changed after that…….

I think this is more than enough emotion for today ๐Ÿ˜… besides it’s 3 in the morning and I have got class tomorrow….so stay tuned for the climax in the next update.

Girl……. going offline xxx

The pleasure of love lasts for a moment but the pain of love lasts forever….

Hola chicos!

All my salutations and greetings to my beloved readers (OMG I have repeated it so many times, I’m going to puke). So, next time I’ll come up with a new way of greeting. Today I have a very intense topic which I’ll talk about. The topic I’ve come up with is MY BEAUTY *round of applause*(I feel like I am delivering a speech). No I’m just kidding, everyone knows I am a joker. Okay, so on a serious note, yesterday I was thinking about something very deep.. Before this incident of my life, I used to think there’s nothing special in love. No I used to think love doesn’t exist. Like,how can you fall in love with a person who is a complete stranger?!?!?!like, how come people?!?! This is what I used to think until I guess a year before. Then, something happened. I know this might sound clichรฉ but many people who read my introduction were requesting me to post my story. Like, not any fiction story, the story of my first brutal heart break.

Honestly speaking, I have been ignoring those requests, because I didn’t want to relive those moments. I didn’t want to remember those moments because in my opinion I thought only time could heal broken hearts. Similar to the recovery of broken arms and legs. But,we learn a lot of things as we grow up and look outside out mother’s lap. In the same way , I learnt it’s very hard like, very very hard (and I mean it) to ask someone with a broken heart to love again. If I present my thoughts, I think the pleasure and taste of love lasts for a moment but the pain continues even after your death. Don’t you think it has become too emotional? Anyways, like I said I kept ignoring those requests. But, yesterday something happened that I really can’t keep inside. I desperately need to blurt it all out.

Anyways, it all started when I randomly followed this guy(let’s call him wiki; anonymity reasons). I followed him because another friend of mine had given him a shout out. So I followed him without keeping in mind the consequences. Anyways, he had quite a mysterious username,like it was not his real name. He replied and told me his real name. Another thing I forgot to mention was that we were in the same school but he was a year senior so his college changed. Just as he replied,we started chatting just like young desperate teenagers would,like seriously…. what would you expect….I was 15. He was 2 years older. I guess, approximately after 3 days of chatting,he texted me asking if we could call…..I still remember it was Friday.

Now I had never called a guy. I had male friends before but I never talked to them on call. When I saw his text about him asking to call,I got confused. Like super confused. So, I abruptly texted my best friend (let’s call her bee; she’s going to kill me when she sees this๐Ÿ˜‰) asking her that what should I do? She told me that calling him for once wouldn’t hurt( we have done every crime together literally ; I repeat every CRIME๐Ÿ˜‚) . I would have called him without asking but I was a bit complexed about my voice (plus I don’t do anything without asking her). Anyways, I called him,we talked for hardly 10 mins about random stuff. Like School and bunks and our favourite places to visit. After hanging up, we switched to texts ( in the beginning we used to talk whole day; like each and every minute we were talking). We kept on talking normally and at night he blasted a bomb on my head. He proposed me….

He did propose me but my intention was to just remain friends. I have been and I will remain single all my life because I believe in love after marriage. Anyways, I told him that we could talk but only as friends, there should be no”falling in love” between us. He became a little senti,but agreed that we could talk as friends. He has asthma so he wasn’t feeling well that day… because I guess all this took place in October. In order to ask about how he was feeling I called him from my cousin’s mobile because I didn’t have my own cell phone at that time (because according to my parents, I was young to have a cell phone) . Anyways my cousins stalked him and my social media profile and read all our chats ,all my elders (except my parents) got to know that I was talking to a “BOY”๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ.

And, I wish, I truly wish that I could change this cheap mindset of people that if a girl has male friends, she is characterless. For GOD’S SAKE PEOPLE!!! having male friends is not GODDAMN CHARACTERLESSNESS(if that’s a word) . Anyways they asked ( more like warned) me not to talk to him or else they’d tell my parents. I agreed at that time. But I didn’t listen, I still talked to him because I am that kind of stubborn*flex* No one dictates me what to do. I do what I want to, I control my life. THAT’S IT. PERIODT. They told my mother (that’s a thing they’ll regret and I’ll never forgive them for) . I returned from school one day and my mother was like; WHO’S THAT GUY? AND BLAH AND BLAH AND BLAH. She told me this wasn’t something she’d allow me to do… So she took away my Instagram and boycotted my phone. That 1 month, I used to sacrifice my sleep for him….I used to stay awake till midnight and literally wait for my mother to sleep so I could talk to him on my father’s cell phone, secretly. I had literally never lied to my mother and I did this for him. Anyways, that 1 month was literally the worst month of my whole entire life.I had lost my mother’s trust (temporarily) , I had the guilt of betraying my mother, high on my shoulders.

I have experienced everything a bad teenager would have done. Although I did everything just to taste it,but I have done it. And I didn’t even get nervous when I did those things, I have been this daring all my life. I can easily do anything and everything, but betraying my mother was not something I could easily do. I had guilt ripping my heart off. It was literally ripping my heart into pieces. But HIS addiction had me drowning……

I think it’s more than enough to digest for today. What happened next…..? I’ll update you with that in the next blog. So stay tuned for the next part of my story. For now ADIOS AMIGOS!!!

Girl….. going offline xxx

I learnt a word”anyways” and have never shut up since then……

Once again all my salutations and greetings to my beloved readers!! Today has been a classically hectic day for me (ofc it was my day it had to be hectic for me or would it be hectic for my neighbors๐Ÿ˜’)……but to be honest if I speak the truth, I like being busy. You know when you’re busy,you have no time to overthink. And OVERTHINKING!!!!! Ugh…a talent I am a pro atโœŒ๏ธโœŒ๏ธโœŒ๏ธ Being busy, over analyzing thoughts don’t cross your mind. Nowadays, I don’t even have time to analyze things,over analyzing is still a task to do(even if i had time i would never be able to analyze things properly cuz I’m a lazy couch potato) Anyways, I’ve been tutoring a bunch of kids, you know……for the sake of revising my concepts NOOOO WAIT !!!! scratch that…..I started tutoring because there was this some kind of ghost on my head of becoming “INDEPENDENT” ๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜‘ The thought was beautiful ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜… until I started it๐Ÿ˜ฏ biggest mistake of my life*sigh of regret* The one and only benefit I am getting from this”tutoring thing” is I get to see the face of the outside world during this nasty pandemic. Now, pandemic revises another thought in mind. I have been thinking lately and not only me but everyone has been creating a hype that 2020 is like Dolores Unbridge in our lives….but then I think can someone please acknowledge the fact that we are blaming 2020 as if our lives were Albus Dumbledore before this year*a round of applause for my stunning Harry Potter reference๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿ™†* Anyways, I was talking about my day. I don’t know what the shit I was doing till 6:00 am , that’s when I slept earlier today and my beloved father ๐Ÿ˜’ woke me up at 12 ,ONLY 6 HOURS OF SLEEP๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ which is very less as compared to the amount of sleep I need to function properly.

PRO TIP;

Never ever sleep late if you have an early waking father at your place.

Anyways,( I am starting to hate my this habit of saying anyways after every single sentence ๐Ÿ˜ฌ) my day started off and has never ended since then๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ anyways, I had this small task I had given myself to prepare the second chapter of physics and BELIEVE me when I say “small” I literally DONOT mean it. My motivation level for studying today was a literal minus infinity (if that makes sense ๐Ÿ‘ผ) The thought of zero motivation demotivated me more. I had read somewhere that dividing a set of certain topics in a certain amount of time gives us motivation and I decided to practically apply it today. So for the first time in forever any study tip has worked for me. I don’t blame the tips, I blame myself…..ignore me there’s a technical issue in my brain(wait…..how can there be a TECHNICAL issue in my brain? Is the engine of my brain not working?) Anyways,(I learnt a word”Anyways” and have never shut up since then) I managed to complete a chapter. After that I went for my tutoring and after a whole 2 hours of grinding my brain๐Ÿ˜ฟI am finally back, managing to take out some time from my busy schedule*flex*๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Žfor myself. And I am literally done with Life right now…….DONE . So signing off for the day and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram; girl_anonymousblog ( modern way of begging ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰) I’ll be updating soon...

Girl….. going offline xxx

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Voila amigos!!

Hey guys,

I am not Spanish as you would be guessing from the title ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I write in ENGLISH.So all my salutations and greetings to my beloved readers. Here I am writing my first ever blog post๐Ÿ™†(I just don’t know why am I so obsessed with these emojis). Anyways, I have no words to describe my feelings. I literally have not prepared any drafts I am just writing my heart out…… Here I am going to embark on a journey which you people are a beautiful and most important part of. My sole reason for coming here is to connect to people through my words. I’ll be posting my daily life incidents (accidents; in most cases๐Ÿ˜‰) for entertainment and sharing purposes. Here I will share my own personal life experiences….. Let’s start with my introduction; I am girl anonymous and I am 16 years old (not very old I know….๐Ÿ˜‚) And literally I’ve been through a lot in this past year of my grade-10 (I’m not going to be formal over here) Writing has been my passion throughout my life. But the motivation for starting this blog came when I had my FIRST EVER BRUTAL HEARTBREAK. I’ll update you soon about my story. So that’s it for my introduction…..( now that was just a distraction ๐Ÿ˜‰I have got nothing else to say๐Ÿ˜‚) Have a nice day and let’s enjoy the journey we’ve just started…

Girl going offline…..xxx